# 72 IF YOU CAN’T SWEEP ‘EM…

yanked from Jonz:

1. The phone rings, who do you want it to be?
   Direk Carlo J. Caparras asking me to give him the rights to make a movie based on my life. I have some people in mind who’d be my leading ladies and supporting cast. Will feature it on my next entry.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
   Yes. Like any law-abiding citizen, I should help those capitalists like Mr. Henry Sy.
3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed again, would you?
   Yes. Hwattaquestion!
4. Do you take compliments well?
   With rosy cheeks and a jerky smile.
5. Do you play Sudoku?
   I am playing it twice Su(2x)-do(2x)-ku ngwehehehehe.
   ANG NA ANG NA
   SU LA PU HIN
   SU MAS KI DOT
   MO KO MO KO
   Oh, read it from left to right.
   v
   e
   r
   t
   i
   c
   a
   l
   l
   y
6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness would you survive?
   No. It is hard to die with nobody to remember you. Though you know that you’re dead(?).
7. If your house were on fire, what would be the first thing you would save?
   My bag that contains my iPOD. If adrenaline permits, I would also salvage the ref.
8. Who was the last person you slept in the bed with?
   The!
9. Who do you text the most?
   Bebe
10. Favorite childrens book?
    If you call the Bible a children’s book then it qualifies.
11. Eye color?
    Brown.
12. How tall are you?
    Five feet, six inches tall but to the ladies, my shoe size is ahem, 16
13. If you could do it over again, start from scratch, would you?
    Yes. It’s my karmic path but I think that I’m on my final stage of rebirth so I’m almost close to enlightenment.
14. Any secret admirers?
    Yes. That list will come out soon.
15. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
    Yes. That’s where Chengwa and I watch movies. Olive’s is owned by former Parañaque Mayor Pablo Olivarez. It is near Air Force One. And I haven’t been to Olive Garden.
16. Favorite ex..?
    Missionary.
17. Where was the furthest place you traveled?
    Japan
18. Do you like mustard?
    Yes. You just made me drool.
19. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
    YES.
20. Do you miss anyone?
    My lolo, Chengwa, TLS, at mga tutubi.
21. Can you do splits?
    It might bang my testicles.
22. What movie do you want to see right now?
    The Simpsons. Last movie that I watched was Transformers. At ako lang mag-isa.
23. What did you do for New Years Eve?
    Went to my in-laws and drank leftover wine and champagne from my wedding.
24. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
    Haven’t watched but it looks scary.
25. Was your mom a cheerleader?
    No, but she’s one of my best friends.
26. Whats the last letter of your middle name?
    E
27. Are you hispanic?
    I’m trying to be like one. Esto, I can’t eh.
28. Do you like care bears?
    In my elementary days, part of our curriculum was to join a club. I have no fondness to join math, science, and religion club (but I am the Bible Quiz Champion). I opted to choose the HOBBY CLUB just to belong. If I remember correctly, I was made escort to Jet (congrats, Jet). This was during those stupid class elections where they would vote somebody as president because of his/ her high grades. Ang labo nun.

    Anyway, going back to the question, YES, I LIKE THE CAREBEARS. And as member of the HOBBY CLUB, I have a collection of Carebears! I have to or I don’t belong

29. What do you buy at the Movies?
    Tickets so that we could watch.
30. Do you know how to play poker?
    Yes and I have improved tremendously
31. Do you wear your seatbelt?
    Definitely.
32. What do you wear to sleep?
    Korto.
33. Anything big ever happen in your CITY?
    Yes. Just now, there’s a phenomenon that happened in Alabang-Zapote bridge that clogged the Coastal road and it’s called Cavite
34. Is your hair straight or curly?
    Straight as NLEX.
35. Is your tongue pierced?
    Nope.
36. Do you like Liver and Onions?
    LIVER? No way. Ang atay ay ang mortal na kaaway ng karne. A sahog impostor in pancit. Onions, yes if deep fried.
37. Do you like funny or serious people better?
    Funny people.
38. Ever been to L.A.?
    No but I’ve been to LA LOMA.
39. Who is on your mind right now?
    Aimee. She’s going to sleep so I got to finish this.
40. any plans 4 tonight?
    ‘Wag kang bastos. Sa akin na lang ‘yun.
41. What are your favorite songs at the moment?
    See this.
42. Do you hate chocolate?
    No but I HATE YOU FOR ASKING.
43. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
    For not turning off the switch of the water tank.
44. Are you a gullible person?
    Yes and I paid an obscene amount of money for it. I was swindled by a guy for a MACPRO worth five figures. Until now, the guy’s name is in my cell phone. And I’m just looking for a date to give him a cuss-filled hello. To those interested to know, invite me for a cup of coffee or a jug of gin pomelo. Will make it worth your time and money. Hehe.
45. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
    No because I have a wife (Be, if you’re reading this, do I get brownie points?).
46. If you could have any job what would it be?
    A guy who gives names to anything (be it a gadget or a street) and gets handsomely paid for it.
47. Are you easy to get along with?
    Yes. I am the ambassador of kwan.
48. What is your favorite time of day?
    Waking up next to my bebe.
49. Are you generally a happy person?
    I have to be. Life’s short and so are you.

Jonz, it’s only 49 questions

# 70 GO FORTH AND MULTIPLY

TITO THONG UTTS DA MOVING. After much hesitation, I multiply.
For my 70th blog post, I am officially announcing my invasion of the other cybersphere known to most of my close buddies and good friends. Presenting my multiply site: Life of Bryan. The title was inspired from one of the movies that made the Brits stand out. I haven’t watched it so that makes me a numb nut. The only part that I watched was this…
THE ONLY CREED TO LIVE BY. Maiksi ang buhay, wag palungkutin.

It makes sense

# 69 ONE OF ‘EM Q&As

Stolen from Nefut.

Q: What is your salad dressing of choice?
A: Fruit Salad.

Q: What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A: KFC and Jollibee. Kasi mahilig ako sa chicken breast

Q: What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A: Italliani’s, Cafe Breton, and most of all… Max’s Fried Chicken.

Q: On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A: The most Ilocano I can get: P30.00. The most mayabang na Tagalog that I can get: P80.00 for good service.

Q: What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of it?
A: Sanzrival ng Pampanga na parang ganito…ulit:
ANG SARAAAP MO TALAGA! You are hambrosia.
Q: What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A: Cheese and lots of meat.

Q: What do you like to put on your toast?
A: Lotsa Nutella!!!

TECHNOLOGY
Q: What is your wallpaper on your comp?
A: It’s smoke photography na hugis vase.

Q: How many televisions are in your house?
A: Three. Yung isa medyo malaki. Masarap panoorin dun ang porno pag 1:30am.

BIOLOGY
Q: Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A: Right-handed stroker.

Q: Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A: In-grown toe nail. Masakit.

Q: What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A: Ginawa akong kargador ng kuya ko. Pinagbuhat ako ng giant TV. Masakit.

Q: Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A: Nung Grade 5 ako. Trip trip lang. My back was against this wall and my classmates dared me to hold my breath as they pushed my chest. Air ran out of my lungs and I was out of touch for less than five minutes.

BULLCRAPOLOGY
Q: If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A: Yes so that I can live more.

Q: If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A: Boyong Ocampo. Totoy Niebe. Goldenbhoy. Leandroooooh.

Q: What color do you think looks best on you?
A: Preso Orange

Q: Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A: Yes, thankfully

Q: Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A: I want to.

Q: Has someone ever saved yours?
A: Yep. Almost same as E-jay’s experience. I almost drowned in Hidden Valley but one of my uncles saved me.

DAREOLOGY
Q: Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A: Libre na lang! Basta ba kamukha niya si Monica Belluci!

Q: Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000
A: Ayoko. Masakit. Bitin ang ligaya.

Q: Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A: OO NAMAN. Blog = rant = not updated = rubbish. What good is rubbish?

Q: Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A: Kung kasama ko si Christine Reyes (since flavor of the month sya) na kasama si Angel Locsin, Rufa Mae Quinto, Eula Valdez, at Ramona Revilla. Lahat topless. Isa sa kanila, kumakanta. Tapos yung isa, pumapaypay sa kin. Yung isa, nagpapakain ng grapes sa akin at yung huli, kinakamot tiyan ko.

Q: Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A: Lahat naman posible dahil di naman ‘to mangyayari. Huh?

Q: Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human’s life for $1,000,000?
A: Nope.

DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: Kanina, mobile phone at coin purse.

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: YES. Especially the part where he danced for Pedro Canned heat, baby!

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: None. It’s marble.

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: I stand and I do my morning ritual.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: Two. I don’t have havs ehhhh.

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: A few months ago at Camp Crame. I met some cops who bought a lot of cars for their men and received some kickbacks too. Shhhhh…

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: Too late. I am the only me there could ever be.

Q: Who is number 1 on your top 8?
A: Siempre, misis ko… wala nang iba.

LASTOLOGY
Q: Friend you talked to?
A: My officemate.

Q: Last person who called you?
A: Bebe

Q: Person you hugged?
A: Bebe

Q: Person you kissed?
A: Bebe

FAVORITOLOGY
Q: Number?
A: 12, 21, 9, 7, 14, 3 = these numbers have significance in my life. Pang taya ko ‘to ng lotto.

Q: Season?
A: Summer din.

CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone?
A: Yes. I miss Ren-Ren Ritualo, Dino Aldeguer, and Don Allado. Especially the Don. Walang batbat ang malalaki ng DLSU sa UAAP.

Q: Mood?
A: Busog at inaantok.

Q: Listening to?
A: Humming computer and some dog barking. Blackbird kanina lang.

Q: Watching?
A: UAAP yesterday. Thank god, ADMU lost

Q: Worrying about?
A: Dinner for tomorrow. Can’t decide pa ehhh.

RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning?
A: Kitchen.

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Go to bed after finishing this.

Q: What’s the last movie you saw?
A: Transformers… A E I O U.

Q: Do you smile often?
A: Yes. Too much.

# 68 A SPIN OFF OF A MILESTONE

As the collector of the absurd and trivial things, I am obliged to post this in my blog.WITH FEELINGS PA. Buti at nanalo si Among Ed.
Napakatalino ng taong gumawa nito.

Because I’m on vacation and have supposedly no Internet access

Hayden and I were talking about my plans for world domination when I saw a mailer from CUNY’s Graduate School of Journalism. I had forgotten that I sent them an email expressing interest in their program. They’re cheaper than NYU but they only offer the program on a full-time basis which does not work for me. I’m hoping they would consider accepting part-time students sometime soon so I don’t have to quit my job to get an MA.

Speaking of Hayden, his birthday’s coming up (the big 3-0) and I still don’t know what to get him. I know he wants her wrapped up (or not) and delivered to his door but being that I’m a retired pimp and that she’s a four-hour drive away, I don’t think I could do that.

Why is it so hard to shop for guys? *sucks teeth*

* * * * *

So my son and I went to the city (along with 7 others) to go on a Splash Tour. We went to 46th and Broadway to catch the Aquabus which took us to a short trip of Midtown West. Then the bus went to the pier and docked in a garage slash tunnel thing. There was  projector screen showing a clip of early New York and before we knew it, the bus was rolling down a ramp towards the Hudson River!

AAARGH!

Thank God my son and I had put on our raincoats. My sister had her mouth open the whole time screaming, “AAAAAHHH!” so she got a mouthful of dirty water when the bus hit the Hudson. She also wasn’t wearing the raincoat that the crew had provided. Hahaha!

It was pretty nice chugging about for an hour on the water, though you can’t really see any fishes as the water was so murky. It reminded me of the boat ride from Caticlan to Borcay. I remember the water looking so gorgeous, all different shades of blue and green, that I just wanted to jump in. I would’ve too, had I not remembered that I am scared of sharks (no thanks to the movie Deep Water).

So anyway, the trip was standard tourist fare but seeing my son having a good time made the $30 worth it.

# 67 FREE TIME IS A GOOD TIME

Ohh yeaaahh! Me and my wife simpsonized.

SIMPSONIZED SIOPAOS. Yours truly freezing his ass.

# 66 I LEAVE THIS PLACE RICH…

… in friendship.
… in experience.
… in network… the TOYOTA dealer network!

Thank you for the memories. I bid you adieu. This is what’s left of me. Simpsonized.

FLYING AWAY ON A WING & A PRAYER. Who could it be?