it’s still the longest yard…

 

I watched everyone with a smile on my face. The happy couple with their adorable children – the little girl with the world as her playground, running around with all the relentless energy of her youth. She’s a carbon copy of her beautiful mum; the little boy, a 3-month old baby in the arms of his dad, quietly observing with his eyes wide open as if saying… “Hullo world, I’m new here but I’m growing up real fast and soon I will be able to explore you with bigger hands and feet.” He’s starting to remind me of his dad. They have the same mischievous look on their faces. 

 

I looked around the table at my friends. 2 couples were talking animatedly about wedding plans…one was an eager bride and another was an excited expecting mommy. How fast time flies. It used be sweet sixteens and debutante parties. Now it’s weddings and christenings and kid’s birthday parties. I smiled again, remembering how different it was back in high school. 8 yrs ago, it was all about movies and malls, theme parks and slumber parties…but look at us now, we’ve come a long way….we’re all grown up.

 

I found myself wishing he was there beside me. It was a good day. A good day to share with someone I knew would understand why I was smiling, why I was happy …for I was witnessing milestones in my friends’ lives: a child’s baptism, an engagement, a wedding, a new baby…the warm feeling of happiness for friends who were experiencing the most important moments in their lives. And babies! He’d understand how I adore fat lil babies with the folds on their arms and legs and we’d make silly baby jokes in a language only the two us would understand and….stop. I hated myself for letting that thought creep in. I rubbed my temple; trying 2 rub away the thought of him. I took a deep breath reached for a cigarette and walked away for a smoke.

 

As I smoked, I tried to make conversation with the people around me. Jobs, cars, career plans, the usual topics – safe topics. But the thought managed to creep in still. Like an unwanted ingrown sinking deep into your flesh…I shuddered at the thought, took a deep puff, shook my head and shut my eyes.

 

Hush hush…I told the little voice in my head. You’ve come a long way to go back to that ugly place. You’ve left that ugly place remember? You shut the door and threw away the key. Don’t you dare try to pick the lock now…

 

Then someone asked me one of the burning questions any person with a uterus gets asked at these events “When do you plan to have a baby?” I opened my eyes, gave a wry smile and tried to think of an answer void of any semblance of sarcasm…how typical. As “when are you getting married?” is to weddings, “when do you plan to have a baby?” is to baptisms (and “what pic do you want on your coffin?” is to funerals).

 

“Hmmm….”I bit on my lower lip and pretended to think but I was actually wishing it would bleed on the spot and I would be saved from answering his question. “Not in the immediate future. We’re talking about a person here; it’s not just a thing you plan to do, like a vacation. It’s another life form you have full responsibility for. You have to be ready for him and the whole package that comes along with him. I guess I’ll be ready for a baby when I stop being so self-centered… so looks like never.” We laughed. “And besides, I will be needing a husband or a boyfriend first to do that right? Unless I get impregnated by some maligno.” He laughed. I knocked on wood out of habit.

 

Sigh. Pressure, pushing down on me, pushing down on me…. dum dum dum da da dum dum.

 

“Always the ninang, never the mom” I wrote that in one of my emails to him. Stop right there. In my head, I pushed a heavy chest of drawers against the door to the bad place to prevent any other thoughts from creeping out. Long way Maya…don’t waste it. Don’t be foolish. Not that easy but if we just work together, that door to the bad place will remain close, I told my head. I silently screamed at my heart, Shut up! You’re not helping me at all so go hibernate until you have nothing but good emotions flowing from your 4 bloody chambers. Knock on wood, again. Kidding, God, just kidding.

 

I went up and chatted with friends, met new people, joked around. I made plans to postpone the lonely drive home where I will have nothing but my traitor thoughts to keep me company. We left the place, went to Greenhills, shopped a little and had update-us-on-your-life conversations over coffee. The door remained close. Hallelujiah.

 

It was a good day except for that brief moment of insanity. But as I drove home with Nelly singing in my background, I realized this brother was right…”it’s still the longest yard…” (If I could fly away, I wouldn’t come back no more. I’d turn around just to see you for the last time. See now I know, hey that won’t be easy. I fought through every battle, I’d made it this far. I got a few more feet, but it’s still the longest yard). I’ve come a long way but I still have a long way to go. It wasn’t just about shutting the door to the bad place; it was about realizing that the bad place no longer exists. But in my head, it’s still there. I was running away from it, when in fact I needed to burn it down. I was running away from it but with no clear direction where I wanted to go. I guess I hoped the road would lead me to where I was supposed to end up, like fate, like the movies… Wasn’t that what was supposed to happen? And I thought I met my destiny but I guess I rushed into things too quickly and too furiously …I ended up pushing him away. And the others away…all those people I hurt. Oh yes, I’d get karma for sure. This is probably the longest yard, the longest yard to solitude.

 

Maybe it will take me time to see the goal post. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to see there. A rocking chair and dentures and an unworn wedding gown? An unused crib? Oh and a collection of flasks? Haha J In my hopeless romantic dream it will be bad-place free, with someone who loves me to death. Quite the bad boy but really a gentleman with Orlando Bloom’s good looks, Adam Sandler’s wit, Donald Trump’s money, Bill Gates’ intelligence and Masaharu Morimoto’s culinary skills. Just one flaw: I’m not allowed to kiss him because once I do, he’d turn into Marilyn Manson and will be stuck like that forever. Oh and I cannot divorce him. That’s the catch. Haha. Me and my foolish what-if games.

 

 

But until then I will keep running. Not away but forward. I have moved on. I’ve come a long way. And I will continue to move on until the bad place is a tiny dot on the horizon. That’s what’s left to do. Run across the longest yard of my life to whoever and whatever it leads me to. Yes. And I know I can do it. I have wonderful friends ahead of me who will coach me along the way and show me that the milestones in their lives will be my milestones too, someday. But until then, I will run at my own pace, enjoy what I enjoy most and not let anyone hold me back.

 

To yards and milestones, to losses and gains, to old and new friends, to past loves and future loves, to dried tears and fresh ones, to more smiles n laughter, to growing up n moving on, to tiny baby steps and to leaps n bounds. I will see you all down this uncertain path called the future. I usually don’t like uncertainty but I don’t believe in divination either.

 

To not knowing, and to hoping, to new memories to be made.

 

I parked my car and sat in the dark, thinking. The problem with me is I analyze too much. I think too much. I dream too much. I wish I were a guy so that the only thing on my mind would be sex, beer and sports (kidding). I’m going ballistic from all the thinking. Ballistic enough to actually write down my thoughts in my blog for the world to see. Who’s gonna want to marry me now? I write about ingrowns and pics on coffins, flying phlegm balls and love spells, I call myself damaged goods and admit I’m a drama queen? Who’s gonna want to marry a girl who talks to her brain and her heart like they’re real people? Perhaps no one. Or perhaps, by some miracle, someone exactly like her.

 

Tu rêves!

 

 

Where is he, where is he? Where is this beautiful guy? Who is he? Who is he? Who’s gonna take me so high? That’s it Maya, too much pop songs, too much coffee, too much TV. You’re being such a Daria… and a Charlotte and a Susan. Maybe I should turn myself into an Edie. Yes yes. Desperate times call for Desperate Housewives. Sigh. I need alcohol to kill my overactive brain cells…if I have a beer belly big enough to look like there’s a baby inside, people will stop bugging me about motherhood…sounds like a plan – I’d turn into a man.

 

I stepped out of my car and shut the door. For a moment I stood there, admiring my sleek shiny mags. I love my car. She’s so pretty.

 

Oh yes, I’m a man already.

 

 

 

 

Confessions of a Reckless Drama Queen Driver

You know what the MMDA remind me of? They’re like sly little foxes hiding behind trees waiting for innocent little bunnies to hop along so they can pounce on them and rip them off, I mean apart (but rip off seems like a relevant word in the traffic business). La di da…bunny hop hop hop…a glorious day in the park with the sun shining and the birds singing then eep without warning, the sly red fox in a blue suit jumps out from behind the trees and pulls you over for an infraction or a violation you could swear on the life of your unborn child, you didn’t commit. Some of them are decent. They will hear you out and decide whether they should let you off with just a warning (or with a settlement) or with a ticket. Some of them are just absolutely mean and righteous. I have been caught 4 times in a row by the manipulative man-eating driving authorities. They’re all interesting stories, which I just want to share with everyone. You be the judge on which one’s the most amusing…and hopefully you learn a lesson or two on what and what not to do.

 

Saved by A Starstruck Star

Violation: Wrong Lane. Guadalupe intersection – on my way to QC to meet up with friends for coffee. It was a Sunday and I was expecting light traffic and very few men in blue. The jeepneys were all annoyingly zigzagging their way through the road trying to pick up passengers from both sides. I was late, so instead of taking the left lane (since I was turning left), I took the rightmost lane and tried to switch to the left before I hit the intersection and before the light turned red. No such luck. The light turned red and I was caught awkwardly between both lanes and a little into the yellow square, exposed for all the MMDA guys to see. I tried to look innocent and sweet as one of them looked at me while shaking his head. Then he asked me to pull over by the side of the road got my license while reciting my infraction. I begged and apologized over and over again, trying to look like an innocent little girl the whole time. Doe eyes, pouting lips, the works! By some miracle, thanks maybe to Our Lady of Guadalupe, he gave me back my license and smiled at me and said “Sige na nga, akala ko pa naman makwekwento ko na nahuli ko si Yasmien Kurdi.” I just smiled at him and said, “Sabihin mo na lang manong di mo na hinuli kasi late na siya sa shooting.” Then we both laughed and I was on the road again.

 

Saved by A Card

Violation 2: Beating the Red Light. A little past midnight. Pasay road interestion. Turning left on Ayala Ave. No MMDA guys in sight. I turned left and completely ignored the stoplight. OK, my bad. Wrong move. I could have killed someone but the road was automobile free and people free for as far as my eyes can see (ooh that rhymes!). Then as I turned the corner, there he was standing beside a motorcycle, asking me to pull over. Good thing I was with a friend who had a police ID card thing and he said “Pare, sagot ko na siya. I asked her to turn left.” And the MMDA just nodded and signaled for me to go on. I would have taken the ticket without any pleading cause I knew I was wrong. But some stoplights don’t even function at night and what I did was something I would do when that’s the case. But of course, that wasn’t the case. I was just very lucky that cops respect people with police ID cards, though they’re not really in the force. I wonder how you can get one of them cards…

Saved by the Dough

Violation 3: Reckless Driving. A little past 4 in the afternoon. EDSA, northbound. On our way to Greenhills to spend our hard-earned moolah on clothes and other stuff that we truly deserved after working so hard. We were laughing and singing and talking about the fun-filled afternoon at the mall. Like innocent little bunnies playing in the park. Instead of going into the tunnel to Cubao, my friend and I decided to take the bus route road to Megamall (dunno what you call that part, basta the one that went straight instead of down the tunnel). I switched lanes about 100 meters before the tunnel and told my friend that the area was a swerving hotspot but we saw there was no MMDA in sight. Then poof. From behind one pillar, there he was. The sly fox! I was so pissed off by this guy. He was such a jerk! He pulled me over and told me that I swerved. Reckless driving! I said I believe I didn’t swerve cause I was AWARE of THAT violation on THAT part of EDSA and I was very careful NOT to do it. But he didn’t listen to me and asked for my license. He asked me where I worked and where I lived and where I was heading and told me that fine was P500 for reckless driving + 3 days seminar. I told him I did not swerve, over and over again but of course he was the Lord of the Road and told me stubbornly that I did. So change tactics – back to begging “Please, please manong, just let me off with a warning, please…alam ko di naman ako nagswerve e” But the mule wouldn’t budge. “Di na pwedeng warning warning lang, magagalit sa ‘min si chairman e.” I almost looked up at the sky to check if the MMDA Chairman was omnipresent and watching us from above. Ugh. Then he told me that the seminar would be such a hassle and he was sure I was too busy to attend and the fine was P500 and sayang the money and the time yada yada yada. And I knew he was willing to settle. He probably needed money for his date on Valentine’s Day! I didn’t want to settle, it was against my principles. It was either he lets me off with or without a ticket but definitely without my money. So I continued to beg…but was interrupted by a nudge from my friend. She was giving me “lagyan mo na” looks since we were in a hurry. So I paid the friggin’ guy. P250 down the drain. My hard-earned money, into the pockets of a heartless man whose eyes were probably flashing big bold Peso signs behind his lame “Ray-ban” imitation sunglasses. I so wanted to stomp and scream and curse like hell in the middle of EDSA “I DID NOT SWERVE! Mukha kang pera! Taxes naming ang nagpapasweldo sa inyo! Isn’t that enough? Go shove your money and your corrupt sunburned face up your wrinkly little @ss, you sh#&head!” I was so pissed. I don’t like bribing. And my charm didn’t work. I felt like such an ugly bad driver slash bad citizen L Five sad faces for this incident LLLLL Wherever he is now, I hope he had a very happy Valentine’s Day (bah humbug). 

Saved by Valentine’s Day

Violation 4: Reckless Driving (with obstruction of pedestrian lane) + Wrong Lane

The gravest violationS of my life. This happened about 4 hours after the EDSA swerving incident. I WAS CAUGHT TWICE IN ONE DAY! Sniff L There we were tired but happy from all the shopping. On our way to Megamall from Greenhills to buy something for Valentine’s Day. Intersection again. Still swarming with MMDA guys. I was suppose to go straight instead of left but a selfish cab driver wouldn’t let me pass so I ended up on the leftmost side of the road in the middle of a pedestrian lane as the light turned red. Again, exposed for all the MMDA guys to see. I wanted to shrink down to Thumbelina size so they wouldn’t notice me. I was silently praying that by some miracle they’d ignore me and crossing my fingers for the light to turn red so I can zoom zoom away. 2 minutes passed then 3…I thought I was safe. Until the bus to my left started honking like a madman because I was in his way. That made them look. Again, I was pulled over. I was asked for my license as I pleaded and argued that the taxi cab almost hit me so I ended up in the middle of the pedestrian lane. He told me I was guilty of lane violation and reckless driving since I blocked a pedestrian lane. P 1,500 fine + he’ll get my license. I argued that I had no time to pay the ticket and retrieve my license and do the seminar thing but he ignored me. I started to cry. Yup! I slumped down on my steering wheel and started to cry. I was so tired and frustrated and sick of all the cops criticizing me and my driving skills. I sobbed and pleaded and sobbed alternately. Another MMDA guy showed up and he told the heartless man talking to me “Naku, umiiyak na si ma’am” and the heartless guy was moved by my tears…well, a little. He told me he was gonna downplay my violation by charging me with wrong lane so I would have to pay only P500 or something. He even offered to get my money and issue me a receipt so I wouldn’t have to go pay for it. I was about to say ok and reach for my wallet. I mean, it sounded legal right? I’d still get a receipt. Then I asked if I could be charged with a violation with less than P500 fine. One last nego. (I’m quite good at haggling actually – something I learned from Nestle’s Customer Management Best Practices J He paused to think about it. I looked up at him with a “kawawa naman ako” look on my face and said “Sige na po please, malapit na naman mag-Valentine’s Day e…” Cheap shot I know, with my eyes glistening with tears and a pathetic look on my face. I was surprised when he said “Sige na nga, di na lang” and he started motioning for me to move along. My jaw dropped. Unbelievable. I couldn’t believe it. I just stared at him, dumbfounded. My friend muttered under her breath “go! bilis!” and that’s when I stepped on the gas (I think I managed to scream “Happy Valentine’s Day Manong! Salamat!”…not sure) and drove away as fast as I legally can. Hah! I guess some of them are still human. Valentine’s Day saved my day. It was so tiring negotiating with him but I’m glad I didn’t give up or give in. This time I felt good about myself and about other people. Love really moves in mysterious ways…but most of the time, it’s all about the money. With these guys and with everyone else.

 

Now I’m really scared of these MMDA guys and of other guys who resemble them. Just today at an intersection in Lipa City, a guy in blue started walking towards my car. My heart started to race and I was thinking of what I could have possibly done wrong and how I could get out of it. When he was in front of my car, I saw that he was just an ordinary guy in blue. I never want to see people wearing blue again!!! Traffic can be so dramatic and traumatic.

 

The best Valentine’s day yet

I think Valentine’s is overrated.

It’s just a day when guys shell out a lot of cash on enormous bouquets and fancy dinners. And possibly everything else that would help them get laid by the end of the day. Guys, let me tell you something: you can get laid anytime by just making her drunk. It works almost everytime.

Erm…Sorry about that. Must be the V day bitch attacking.

I see Valentine’s as a big competition. Like who gets the most flowers, the most number of guys grovelling at your feet, the most number of V day cards. And the winners are usually the “in” girls.

And just so you know, I was never one of those girls.

Whatever.

I got myself one and a half invites to go on a V day date:

One was from Peter, who wanted me to go with him to a lingerie fashion show in Manhattan. Eh di ang haba ng hair ng lola nyo. As I was about to launch into my I’d-love-to-but-I-can’t-because-I’m-engaged-and-have-two-kids speech, he told me that he needs me to be there because he doesn’t want to talk to this girl who forced herself to be his date on Valentine’s. So when the girl tries to be intimate with him, he’s going to politely ignore her and have a conversation with me.

Nyek! Gamitin ba ko? Why is it so hard for guys to turn down a girl anyway? Lame.

The half invite was from Joseph who found out that I wasn’t married and so proceeded to ask, “So…what are you doing on Valentine’s?” (while raising one of his brows ala Mr. Suave)

So yeah, no Valentine’s date for me. The offers weren’t as irresistible as doing my nails.

But this is the first V day that I had two guys asking me out! Please disregard the fact that they weren’t serious about it because technically, they were asking me out. Sabi ko na nga ba makamandag pa din ang alindog ko eh!

The happiest part was when Beb called me. He rarely calls because it’s cheaper if I call him.

“Pwede ka bang batiin ng happy Valentine’s?”
“Oo, pwede.”
“Happy Valentine’s Day mahal.”

Ang babaw pero nakakakilig. Or maybe it was made more special by the distance between us. Whatever it was, it really made my day. Sigh.

*****
Did I tell you guys that I was fired from my job? First time. Okay lang. I am just not meant to be a receptionist. And no, I am definitely not sour-graping.

It is so hard to be an OFW. You have a lot of things to prove and the competition is fierce. Look at it this way, if I was an American employer, would I choose a Pinoy over my fellow American? And the advantage definitely goes to someone who has a US college degree and has local work experience.

Believe me, all that stuff about EOEs and D/F/M/Vs are just letters written on websites. Racism and discrimination is still a big thing here, though it is not as prevalent as a hundred years before.

Then there is also the pressure of making it big. I never really understood why people back home think that if you work in the US, big time ka na. They think that working here is the ultimate solution to everything.

I might be earning dollars but I also spend dollars on basic utilities and stuff. So to them, a hundred dollars may be P5,000 but to me, it is still a hundred. And a hundred bucks does not really go a long way here.

It is really difficult to make a mark here. Hindi kagaya sa Pinas, where going to a top university almost always paves the way for securing a good job with excellent pay. Ang laki kasi ng Amerika. And I am just one of the millions of immigrants wanting to make it big.

Here, I am a nobody.

But that does not stop me. Para saan pa at naging Pinoy ako kung susuko din lang ako di ba?

This post is brought to you by Para Sa Yo, the hit single of Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao. Lagi kasi pinapatugtog sa TFC eh. Leche.

*****
I read The Notebook last night (I have not seen the movie yet) and lumuha ako ng dugo.

I visited her blog and I was pleasantly surprised to know that she blogged about it too. I guess we are a couple of romantics.

I do not think I have cried that much over a book or a movie. I shed a few tears when I watched Bambi and Land Before Time (theme song pa nga nun yung If We Hold On Together) but not the hagulgol-tulo-pa-uhog cry.

Oo na, iyakin na kung iyakin.

Malibu Bay Breeze, sexy nails and a bad ass watch

I was never a party girl.

I don’t think I have what it takes to wear four-inch heels while gyrating my booty against a random hot guy’s groin and looking at him seductively to see how much I can turn him on.

No, wait.

I may have done that several times during college. I’m not really sure. Hindi ko maalala. May tama na kasi ako nung mga panahong yon. I am innocenth! Hahaha! Nagmalinis pa talaga!

Sige na nga, I was a party girl. Emphasis on was.

It felt good to know that you can manipulate (tsk, such a strong word) someone to do whatever you want just by making him think that you want to have sex. Kahit na in reality, gusto mo lang naman talaga malibre ng drinks.

It felt good to have that power. But I don’t miss it. I’ve grown up.

Anyway, I better stop myself before my kids read this and think I’m a manipulative bitch.

So my company had a launch party in celebration of the Lunar New Year (hindi naman pala uso ang tikoy dito). I didn’t really want to go because I just started working for them and it feels awkward to hang out with people I barely know.

A launch party. Red carpet. Cameras. Celebrities. Eh ano ngayon? I’d rather stay home and get a good night’s sleep.

But my boss told us that we had to go to help out. And she also thinks that it’s a good idea for me to mingle and get to know everyone. So all thoughts of trying to weasel my way out of it went kaput.

I didn’t have anything decent to wear and frankly, I wouldn’t spend money on clothes that I’d probably get to wear only for that party and perhaps a funeral (I wore black because I’m boring that way). But I also didn’t want to look like someone’s maid so I had no choice but to buy a sheer sexy top, booty-hugging pants, sparkly accessories and strappy stilettos.

I also had my hair curled Monday night because my sister (who works in a salon) pulled strings to have my hair done for free. The party was on Wednesday so I had to be extra careful that I don’t get my sexy, just-out-of-bed look messed up. If I have it done on Tuesday kasi, may bayad na. Feeling ko tuloy nag flashback ako to the 80’s because of the amount of hairspray that was used to make sure my curls held up. Fine-resistant daw kasi ang hair ko. When I was younger, my mom had my hair permed. Pero after a week, I swear, stick straight na ulit sya. So I made like a geisha and slept with my head up.

Hindi ako masyadong nag-abala. Ayoko talagang pumunta. Napilitan lang ako.

Party day comes and I had to stay in the office until six because I had to man the desk. The party starts at seven. Not enough time for me to change into my party-slash-funeral clothes and put on make-up. Kaya ang lola nyo, humarap sa paparazzi na walang make-up. Natural beauty kunyari. Sabi ko na lang sa sarili ko, “It’s all about the attitude!”

I shouldn’t have worried too much kasi I was there to work, not to party. I don’t think anyone was interested in what a plain Jane employee was wearing. Except maybe a crazy guy who finds engaged single moms of two kids very attractive.

I guess I wanted to look nice because a part of me wanted to know if I still have it.

Besides, everyone was too busy ogling the celebrities. A-list daw. The only person I know is Brook Lee, Miss Universe 1997, and that’s only because Peter told me who she is. A-list nga. A-list ng mga Asian-American. Nyek. And I thought I would finally be able to make Brad Pitt realize that he should be having babies with me.

Since the night was young and so are we (hindi pa ko lasing nyan ha), my friends decided to raid the bar. Narinig kasi nila ang magic words: OPEN BAR.

And that’s when I realized how utterly ignorant I was. When Michael asked me what I wanted to drink, I told him to get me anything. Like, I don’t care what you get me, I’ll drink it because I’m a party girl.

Pero sa totoo lang, hindi ko naman kasi alam kung ano ang mga tawag sa mga drinks dito. First time ko makapunta ng bar dito eh. Nakakahiya naman kung sabihin ko na gusto ko ng Blowjob or Sex on the Beach. Baka iba ang isipin nila. Baka pumayag sila at mag enjoy pa ko, mahirap na.

Back home, my friends and I only know Cuervo, Absolut, Strong Ice and Light. Malay ko ba kung ano ang Malibu Bay Breeze? So I tasted (and loved) five different drinks. I just can’t remember what the other four were called.

I so wanted to drink more but I know that I have to be responsible and not get myself drunk. I get horny kasi when I’m drunk. Heck, I’m horny even when I’m sober. Year of the Goat kasi ako. Capricorn pa. Horny talaga.

So I’m proud of myself for being a mature drinker, a responsible parent and a faithful lover.

I miss my bad girl days. Tagal ko na din hindi naka-gimmick. Sana next time, si Beb naman ang kasama ko. Then I’d show him just how a Capricorn really parties.

*****
I finally succumbed to my curiosity and got my nails done. I now have seductive French-manicured acrylic and crystal nails.

I’ve always wanted to know what it felt like to have perfectly shaped, strong nails. Nakakatuwa! My nails have always been paper-thin so I couldn’t grow them long enough to have them French-tipped.

I’ll post how-to pictures next week, when I get them re-done.

*****
I finally got myself a bad ass watch courtesy of my second paycheck. I’ve always wanted to own a guy’s watch.

Di bale Beb, I’ll give it to you pag nagsawa na ko. Ganyan kita kamahal. Promise.

I’ve been a very bad girl so go ahead, spank me

I’ve neglected posting stuff in here for the last month and a half because:

1. I was so depressed during the holidays that I let myself be sucked into the black hole of self-pity. The -ber months mean something more to me than Christmas shopping. Beb and Alyssa celebrate their birthday in September, Bom’s birthday and our anniversary is October, November is Thanksgiving and December is Christmas.

It was my first Thanksgiving and I burned my hand on the grill while roasting the turkey which was so big I could’ve sworn it was a baby ostrich. It took us eight days to finish it off. Turkey salad, turkey sandwich, turkey wrap, turkey rice…I don’t think I’ll be able to eat turkey at this year’s Thanksgiving dinner.

It was also my first Christmas here and I missed the bibingka and the puto bumbong, the simoy ng Pasko (there really is such a thing pala) and the tiangges. The good thing was I finally got free from all the pesky neighborhood kids singing Jinggam Bells.

2. I was busy with Alyssa and my future mother-in-law (FMIL). The whole thing with FMIL staying with us for a week because she hated staying with her brother and his wife and going on a long drive to Connecticut just to see a hospital has pretty much eaten up my time. For those of you who don’t know, FMIL and I aren’t really on good terms. We get on each other’s nerves. And that’s the polite me speaking. If you think I’m a bitch, just wait, you haven’t heard nothing yet.

3. Most of my time is spent going to New York everyday for work. But it’s all good because I’m having a blast. The people are fun and the workload is mala-mala. And get this: I wear jeans and sneakers to work! Cool huh?

4. We’re having immigration issues. Most of it has to do with how Americans define middle name. You know how Pinoys like giving two or more first names to their kids? Mas mahaba, mas sosyal ka. Well, being sosyal won’t do you any good because they’d consider your second first name your middle name. Now, take a deep breath and read it again. There you go! So, Gianna Alyssa P. Del Pilar is Gianna A. Del Pilar to them. Ang labo no? Now I have to go through all the trouble of letting them know how my kids’ names should appear.

There’s also the thing with my brother’s application to adjust his status. All his documents got lost the day before his immigration interview. Unbelievable. My sister is now working to get his case reopened.

5. I was left to run the household while my aunt and my sister enjoyed Vegas and California for eight days. Inggit! They took Alyssa to FMIL kasi kulang ang 24 hours para magawa ko ang mga kailangan kong gawin. I had to wake up at 4:30, cook breakfast, get my brother, my cousin and my son ready for school, get myself ready for work, arrange for someone to pick up my son from school, rush to work and do whatever I have to do, go home, clean the house, cook or buy dinner (depends on how exhausted I am at the end of the day), make sure everyone does their homework and finally, sleep. Add the stress at work because I just started and was still feeling my way around. Yeah, New Yorker baby!

Whatever time I have left on the weekend was spent catching up on sleep, doing laundry and preparing stuff for Monday. Grabe, ang hirap! I didn’t even have time to call Beb or my family back home.

The whole ordeal made me appreciate my mom even more. Mahirap pala maging superwoman.

That pretty much sums up everything that’s happened during your idol’s absence.

Launch Party and office tsismis coming soon.